I realized recently that we’ve given a sleek new name to a very old behaviour, Flexing. Whether it’s a meticulously curated Instagram post, a high profile TED talk, or a casual reference to your startup’s latest round of funding, we all recognize the unmistakable gesture of someone “Flexing It”. While the term “Flexing It” might be contemporary, the behaviour itself is ancient and deeply rooted in our evolutionary past. Understanding the psychology of flexing, offers not just insights into human nature but also a way to channel ego-driven impulses right.

What Exactly Is “Flexing It”?
The term “flexing” originates from body building. Literally contracting muscles to display physical prowess. Today, it pretty much refers to any act of self-promotion. Showcasing wealth, intellect, athleticism, success or even virtue. It can be overt, like posting luxury car photos or pictures with celebrities. Or subtle, like dropping names of people you know or a prestigious university you went to in casual conversation. But whatever form it takes, flexing is at its core, about ‘status signalling’. In psychology, this is a form of strategic self-presentation, driven by the evolutionary imperatives of social beings. Humans, like other primates, live in hierarchically structured groups where status can confer access to resources, mates and allies. Signalling competence or desirability, whether by displaying physical strength, social intelligence, or moral purity, has long been a way to move up the pecking order.
As a positive psychologist, I also want to point out the more hopeful side to the story. Flexing doesn’t have to always be shallow or narcissistic. Done skilfully and ethically, it can also be an expression of self-efficacy, a celebration of personal growth, or an invitation to share knowledge.

What Does The Modern Day Flex Look Like?
The 21st-century has seen a radical change in the nature and style of flexing. In small hunter-gatherer bands, showing off might have involved sharing a large kill or telling a great story around the fire. Today, it’s filtered through algorithms, artificial intelligence, hashtags and professional bios. Social media, in particular, has created an environment where impression management is constant and often inevitable. One can flex not just material success but also moral superiority. Think of the well-crafted post about one’s charitable donation, complete with artful lighting and humble hashtags. This is better referred to as “virtue signalling.” While the term is often used pejoratively, it again serves an evolutionary function of demonstrating that we are trustworthy group members, aligned with shared values.
As I was sharing with one of my clients recently, one of the strongest flexes today might be authentic vulnerability. Sharing failure, doubt or imperfection in a strategic but sincere way. This taps into another evolved trait, our affinity for psychological realism and emotional congruence. People tend to admire those who appear strong but remain relatable.

So, if you enjoy flexing and are wondering if there are ways to do it right or more authentically, here are just a couple of my thoughts.

1. Flexing It For The Greater Good
While it’s easy to dismiss flexing as vanity or ego-stroking, that view is too narrow. Displaying competence or sharing success can also serve constructive functions like inspiring others, reinforcing norms of excellence and even promoting resilience. Think of the athlete who posts a comeback story not to boast, but to demonstrate what grit looks like. Or the entrepreneur who shares lessons learned from failure, encouraging others to take calculated risks. If your win can inspire, educate or uplift, it’s not pompous, it’s well intentioned.

2. Flexing It For Your Own Good
In the workplace, for example, “flexing it” can be a means of overcoming impostor syndrome, especially for people who might have been socialized to downplay their achievements. Here, flexing becomes not just acceptable, but necessary, and a form of reclaiming narrative agency. Moreover, in collective contexts, flexing can be pro-social. Researchers have found that individuals who publicly commit to behaviours like exercising or charitable giving can create positive peer pressure, increasing the likelihood that others will follow suit. In this sense, the ethics of flexing depend not only on intent but on audience and impact.

3. Flexing It Without Flaunting It
This is almost the crux of getting it right if at all you find the need to flex. It starts with flexing within the right context. Self-promotion in a job interview is expected; at a funeral, less so. Read the room or understand the context before you flex. Also, ask yourself if there’s any point to your flex. Flexing with purpose always comes across as more meaningful. For example, share success not just to elevate yourself, but to elevate others. Self-deprecation and acknowledgment of luck or help can soften the edge of self-praise and build credibility. Celebrate your achievement, then ask about someone else’s. This converts monologue into dialogue and shows that you value mutual recognition rather than getting trapped into merely showing off.

Finally, it’s probably safe to say that “flexing it” is human. Our ancient ancestors did it with stone tools and fire. We do it with smartphones and through personal branding. The difference lies not in the desire for recognition, but in the medium, the context and the style of messaging. If we can approach flexing not as a mere self-glorifying exercise but as an opportunity to express identity and share value, we might just reclaim it as a force for good. After all, if we’ve got it, maybe it’s okay, occasionally, wisely and with grace, to flex it.